Sometimes I Wish God Would Punish Me — Kai on Guilt and Shame

She has never told anyone this. She has a boyfriend who loves her, and for months she let herself get close to someone else. She told him she was committed and kept meeting him anyway. She has ended it. The guilt will not stop. She has hurt two people, and she has cut herself off from everyone because she cannot say it out loud. Sometimes she wishes God would punish her.

Kai does not rush a label onto it. Ending it, and carrying the weight instead of pretending it never happened, matters. Guilt says: I did something wrong. Shame says: I am something wrong. She is drowning in the second one, and shame repairs nothing. It locks her in a room alone. The silence — not being able to say it to anyone — is what is eating at her, not only the act. The question he leaves her with is simple, and not yet answered: what was she reaching for?

Further reading: When It's 2AM, Kai Is Still There

withSolène is not therapy and does not provide medical advice. Kai is a private AI companion for the hours when you need to say the thing out loud. Free to download on iOS and Android.